I am a peculiar person. The odds that one individual out of the 6.7 Billion humans on this earth will be Mormon is about 0.192% The odds of being both Mormon and Gay is roughly 0.013%. Needless to say I am an oddity. A minority. A pittance of concern compared to the earth. I have been told by my church and the gay community that reconciling these two facets of gay and Mormon is impossible. Yet I am trying to find a balance between these twin souls of mine. While some tell me that there is no middle ground, there is only black or white, a 1 or a 0 I can not believe them. So here I am stuck in the middle. Trying to discover the one true solution to the MoHo's Dilemma. A Japanese Proverb states that The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life. Many great people have spent their lives trying to find the Way, the Path, the Tao. I do not feel as if my life will be wasted if, after dedicating myself to the search, I left this world with no answer, but only if I keep looking for one. I might focus on activism, advocating for changes in opinion from botht he gay community and the church and its members. I might focus on the spiritual boulders that I face, trying to illustrate how I have overcome, traversed, skirted or submitted to them. I might, on occasion get personal and discuss events in my life as they relate to the MoHo's Dilemma. But I will always have my focus on finding perfection, on finding kanzen, the complete completeness, the absolute truth, the way, the life, the light, always my focus will be on trying to discover this middle path that I know exists
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David, If anyone can find it, I believe you will.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and God bless you on your quest.
I love to ponder the paradoxes of life. And I'm full of them myself. I believe this life was designed to make us do just what you say, David, continuously search and question and debate and wrestle and try to reconcile things that seem irreconcilable. If we don't have the struggle we atrophy and wither away. God forbid. I would rather wear out than rust out.
ReplyDeleteAmen to Alan! David, I trust you in finding the path that's right for you. There are many faithful gay and lesbian church members throughout the world who face a similar struggle, and I believe that it is possible to find this middle path. It's not easy, but then again the most rewarding things never are. Let me butcher a Princess Bride quote that says "Life is pain highness, and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something." These pains and struggles are crucial in growth and in becoming beautiful and whole people, even though at the time they seem to torture your soul. I love listening to the song "The Impossible Dream" from Don Quixote when I'm struggling with issues like this that seem unsolvable. It's the search for truth that makes you who you are, and I am proud of you for your quest.
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