That is until this year with Lent. It is a new experience for me to try to not try. To force my brain to take the passenger seat and let my emotions guide me. It leaves me vulnerable and often times highly emotional and distressed. I am trying this experiment because when I try to analyze and decide on what path to choose I am stonewalled by both decisions. I have come to the point in time where I need to be able to do what I feel is right. What sucks is that in neglecting my feelings for so long I can not trust them. At least that is what my rational mind is telling me.
So I wonder which is better? To know what Path is right and to follow it? Or to take what you feel and translate it into action? Emotions I feel are often like our instincts in this wonderful C.S. Lewis quote:
How do I know what fickle emotion to follow? Should I worry about knowing such a thing? or should I just kick off the wall and let myself travel, like in space, floating off with the same velocity I left with? Should I just saturate my life with my emotions and ride/enjoy the rollercoaster that is bound to come? Or should I try to play a chess game where their are millions of different pieces and the rules keep changing? Should I use my emotions to try and block out what I know in my mind?
Telling us to obey instinct is like telling us to obey 'people.' People say different things: so do instincts. Our instincts are at war... Each instinct, if you listen to it, will claim to be gratified at the expense of the rest.
I guess I am really just trying to figure it all out and needed a good place to ramble and rant. Any sugesstions? and if any one tells me not to worry it will be alright I will find you and I will deck you.