Mo vs. Ho

I choose to use the term MoHo for several reasons. Largely it is because I feel as if in either community I do not belong and so I have banded together with others who are likewise oriented and we have formed an ad hoc community. Since the Proposition 8 battle, there is little place for someone with Same Gender Attraction in the Church – at least publicly where support can be given – and in the Homosexual community (to any extent) there is hardly a place for an active member of the Church.

This ostracism from the two communities (both urging me, and nearly requiring me to destroy half of who I am) is what largely defines me. I define myself as homosexual in the respect that I am more attracted to men than to women. On the Kinsey scale I am probably about a 5 out of 6 with 6 being only same-sex attractions and a 0 being only opposite-sex attractions. As for defining myself as Mormon, I find that while I have a strong testimony of many things ranging from the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, the fullness of the Atonement (including how Elder Holland sees it) and Thomas S. Monson.

I do find that my testimony of the Church’s position on Same-Gender attraction is severely lacking. Because of this I often fluctuate in my opinions of what I need to do with my life. Which of these seemingly two opposite masters should I serve? I feel that they are not mutually exclusive as there is a large space for homosexual spirituality and the Church is not a resort for the perfect but a hospital for the sinner and trying to reconcile this is my dilemma. I define myself as an odd member of two separate circles not out of any desire to advance either’s agenda, but because of the simple fact that that I am the tangential point in these two circles.