Tuesday, January 13, 2009
So before I left for DC back in August, I had a decent group of friends up at the LDS Institute. These were not my best friends, I have only ever had three of those, but they were my group of guys to just hang out with. Now I have always been a loner, an introvert if you will. Only rarely did I ever have any of my close friendships overlap with one another. In July the last of my three best friends left for the MTC and that left me alone, without a true friend. I tried to fill that vacancy with the friends I had met through the Institute, but it seemed so superficial, ike I had to maintain an extra facade. In late August I left for DC where I cam out to myself. I probably should have realized that I was gay about 50 times before that, but my upper level subconcious kept drowning out the deep rootings of my psyche. Well Now I am back and I have gone to two activities with this same group of guys. They are all straight, and don't know I am gay. Nothing has changed on their end, but during each of these activities, I have felt just horrible hiding this giant part of who I am to these guys. I have left both activities extremely down and I wanted to console myself by doing destructive things. I didn't and I applaud myself for that, but should I stop putting myself in that situation, or ride it out in silence? Should I come out to them as a precursor to coming out to my RM friends, or should I just drop them like a sack of dirty laundry? I know that I need to try to become less introverted, it is a plague of mine that needs to end soon, but should I try with this group, or move on to someone else? Any advice?