Lust vs. Love

I understand that Homosexuality isn’t all about sex. I intrinsically understand that because in my life it is about more than just sex. However this past week one of my friends, we will call him Chekov, challenged my assumptions and forced me to try and describe why it was about more than sex. Granted he didn’t say to me “Prove it to me” but because of his line of questioning I feel the need to demonstrate to him that homosexuality is about more than just sex.

It gets difficult because Chekov’s own personal experiences have taught him that homosexuality is about lust and not about love. You see he, after living outside of Utah with his boyfriend, that homosexuality was entirely a temptation from Satan and so now he is preparing for his mission and eventual (traditional) marriage. I went to high school with Chekov and so we have talked once before and after that conversation I felt that I had to try to understand Satan’s role in homosexuality. Now I don’t want to try to persuade him from his path because I respect his decision, but I am trying to understand his view while trying to get my view across to him.

In our discussion we distinguished that there are two choices of action and that each one leads us closer to heaven or hell. There is the Animal and the Divine. As humans we are uniquely placed in between the two trying to navigate towards heaven or hell and as C.S. Lewis says “All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations.” This is something else that after much study I have come to understand deeply.

Our discussion led to understanding where different actions fell on this binary spectrum. We both agreed that sex outside of marriage falls into the Animal category. Barring extenuating circumstances, ie a catholic woman in South America beaten by her husband who then left but she can’t get married because she can’t be divorced and so she finds someone whom she can spend her life with and commits to that man. When it came to homosexuality, Chekov believes that all sexual acts including those within a civil marriage are all about lust, I believe that just like sex within traditional marriage, sex within a gay marriage can be both Lustful and Loving depending upon the circumstances.

As I tried to explain why I felt this distinction as opposed to his view, I struggled to grasp a way to vocalize what I felt inside. I tried to paint the picture by stating “What do you think would happen if I were to find a husband that I committed myself to celibately? What would happen from the Church’s standpoint? Would that still be a sin?” I was trying to get the image across that what I find lacking, where I find I need a helpmeet is in more than just sex, but that sex is something that can, when used appropriately, bring a relationship closer together.

I was able to state this in a somewhat fumbling manner after which he informed me that I could find a helpmeet and that for men that helpmeet was a woman. The two naturally compliment each other because they are

opposites that together form a whole being. I agree with this, however after this talk I looked beyond the physical nature of this and look at myself and my characteristics I discover that given this Yin-Yang model, with Yin (male) and Yang (female) complimenting each other to make up for the weaknesses of one another, that I as Yin have a large mixture of Black within the White. My half of the circle is comprised not of a single color with a spot of the other, but a hodgepodge of black and white that, in order to create a full circle of equal black and white I need to find someone with an opposite pattern.

For me, finding a woman with whom my mental, spiritual, and emotional characteristics are in line is extremely difficult because we are two similar and in trying to find a man to whom I could give my mind, spirit, and heart to is also difficult because they are also too similar. That is why it seems that only other gay men can fulfill the hole in my soul; only a gay man can be the helpmeet for me.

I have tried to imagine what I would do if I did find “the right girl,” who was the right Yang to my Yin, because then the only hang-up would be sex and then I would be sacrificing love for lust and living like an Animal if I were to give that girl up. Would it be Animal of me to give up looking for that girl and find a man whom I could commit my life to?

What are your thoughts? This is directed mostly to those partners in a marriage either Gay or Mixed-orientation, Is it possible to have the completeness of Love in either circumstance or am I doomed to a life close to whole but still lacking a helpmeet?