Monday, June 29, 2009

Is This My Last Battle?

But the Glorious One bent down his golden head and touched my forehead with his tongue and said, Son, thou art welcome. But I said, Alas, Lord, I am no son of thine but the servant of Tash. He answered, Child, all the service thou hast done to Tash, I account as service done to me. Then by reasons of my great desire for wisdom and understanding, I overcame my fear and questioned the Glorious One and said, Lord, is it then true, as the Ape said, that thou and Tash are one? The Lion growled so that the earth shook (but his wrath was not against me) and said, It is false. Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath's sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted. Dost thou understand, Child? I said, Lord, thou knowest how much I understand. But I said also (for the truth constrained me), Yet I have been seeking Tash all my days. Beloved, said the Glorious One, unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.

Am what I am planning to do and accomplish in my life serving the Lord in His name, or is it using his name for my own gratification, to do…not harm, but not as much good as I could do? Would I, through following my planned course of action in finding a Husband and being the person who dutifully gives service in dedication to the Lord, be betraying the true purpose of mine? Is there another way for me to accomplish this that is more inline with Christ? Was I guided to ask these questions by the Guiding hand of the Lion, or my own mind? Or is it both in the aspect of C.S. Lewis’ concept in “Miracles” when he stated that all of our actions that we call our own, truly belong to the Lord, just as the changing of Water to Wine was merely a speeding up of the process by which water, through fertilizing the grapes, becomes wine. Or as put here:

“In a sense, though we speak for convenience of healing a cut, every cut heals itself; no dressing will make skin grow over a cut on a corpse. That same mysterious energy that we call … biochemical when it heals a body is the efficient cause of all recoveries, nd if God exists, that energy, directly or indirectly, is His. All who are cured are cured by Him, the healer within.”

What I am really trying to say is who am I to make the decisions I am about to make? Am I a man, craving so much for this animalistic thing that I am willing to put on a Lion skin to symbolize the Lord, Am I like Nephi, having been commanded to go against the Law of the Church?, or Am I not only a child of God, but also, a piece of Him, someone whose very thoughts are, at some level, controlled or guided by Him? If I am the first, then I am nothing for I am acting in imitation of the Lord. But if I am the 2nd or 3rd, then mustn’t I follow through on the peace that I have felt which is how Oliver Cowdry discerned the spirit? I really hate introspection, and I am beginning to wonder if I am the man in the following story.

A certain man lived by a river. This man was a religious man who was secure in his faith in the Lord. He heard on the radio, an announcement stating that the river was going to flood. He told himself boldly, “I have faith that the Lord will protect me, I will not be harmed by this flood.” When the rains began, the nearby town sent a motorboat to check on this man. When the boat got to the man, they told him “A flood is coming, come with us to be safe.” The man, secure in his faith, yelled back to them “The Lord is my Sheppard and he leadeth me to green pastures. I will be protected by the Lord.” The men on the boat then left and once they had returned to the town, they decided to try a second time to rescue this man and so they sent a helicopter to him because by now, the waters had risen so much that sending a boat was too dangerous. When the Helicopter reached the man, they shouted to the man “Come with us if you want to live. The flood is about to tear your house down and end your life.” The man resolutely responded, “I am a man of faith. I shall run and not be weary. The Lord will protect me.” A few moments later, a piece of his house crashed upon him and he discovered himself standing in Heaven. Confused he asked the Lord, “Was I not a man of Faith? Did I not put my trust in thee and was I not promised that you would keep your faithful safe?” The Lord responded by saying “You were a man of faith and I did protect you, I sent you warning via Radio, rescue on a motorboat, I even sent a helicopter to save you, but you did not accept the help I offered and so your life is over.”

Am I being offered a radio, a boat or a helicopter by the stimulus, which leads me to introspection? Is this the Lord trying to protect me from a flood of evil? Or is it merely man trying to guide me, contrary to what I have felt? I really hate eastbound flights now because again I am left trying to figure everything out. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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  1. I love that you're expressing these thoughts. I've had similar conundrums many times myself. I still do.

  2. Yeah, introspection is a difficult thing, I hate it as well. But when I try to push the topic of my orientation (or disorientation, depending on whom you talk to), it becomes the number one topic on my mind. Anyways, your blog has helped me with my imtrospection as of late.
    What do you think of these two scriptures?: 1 Corinthians 10:13 (God will not tempt us above what we are able to withstand) and Mosiah 3:19 (the "natural man" scripture). These passages have been popping into my mind lately and I dont know what to make of them.

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